Identity Crisis

So I’m toward the end of a Biology degree but I still don’t know what I want to do. Shouldn’t I know by now? I feel like I should. I question if bio is the right path for me. I mean, I like learning about it (most of it) but I’m beginning to question if I would like doing it. It’s really frustrating to constantly have these things popping up in my mind. I try to convince myself to stop having these doubts but I always end up at the same place. If you’re on the right path, shouldn’t you want to keep walking? It’s not that I hate walking on this path but sometimes I catch myself looking for a back trail to cross over on to. Sometimes I doubt that these footsteps I’m taking will get me to where I ultimately want to go.

I always thought of myself as more of a creative person. I’m not outstandingly good at it or anything but I want to, it’s what I’m interested in. For awhile I wanted to be an art major but didn’t see any careers I could go into. That is until I stepped into the world of sfx make up. Sfx means special effects in case you needed a little deciphering. Now, I think that would be a pretty cool job to have. It’s creative and I don’t think it would get boring. I think there’s just something so alluring about making the unreal look real; something about creating that illusion. Right now it feels like the perfect job is just that, an illusion. I always thought I wouldn’t be one of those people who hated or were just neutral with their jobs. I always saw myself as having a job that I would really enjoy. As the time nears to actually getting a job, I’m not sure that will happen.

I feel like I’m between two things, each pulling me in different directions. As bad it may sound, maybe I just picked a major to get through those four years to get a degree, not being sure if it’s THE degree. You might suggest just going into the sfx industry. Yes, that’s a possibility but I guess in a small way I feel like I’m not supposed to. I feel like I’m supposed to do something more meaningful for society and the world. Maybe it really comes to my personality type of being an INFP cause that’s exactly what they do. They give up what they want sometimes in order to help others. That certainly feels like where I’m at. Whatever, I guess I’m in the same boat as everyone else.